a new page begins...

just transferred to a new house last sunday dec 04.
another page of my life begins.a new house & a New place.it is also very timely, since new year is coming & this month we'll have our very first wedding anniversary.
i couldn't ask for more...
i am so excited, even though i have problems sleeping this past few days!
i asked my younger sister to stay with me for a while since my hubby is working out of town on weekdays.i don't mind with the set-up. that's what people like us have to contend with just to have money to survive.
i have so much things to do, that it takes me so long to decide what to do first.that's probably normal, just as long as i don't feel idle & opt to sleep instead hehehe

Rudyard Kipling really knows what it feels like

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaste
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run
- Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

anger

I am angry!
And to be angry is human... as padme pointed out to anakin once.
I am angry at myself, at my hubby, at my mediocre life. and i know i'm being stupid for letting the whole world know, as if they give a damn at my pitiful state!

But this blank space before me & this blinking thing seems to be my only solace right now.
I can't even throw a bottle at the wall of my own domicile! what kind of life do i lead if i can't even do the things i want in my own home!
I do such thing. I always hurl my anger at the wall! i feel drowned if i don't feel the sound of lightning crashes.it always feel like hell at the onset of such pain & agony. a place where i have been many times before. maybe i should have my own wailing wall...what do you think dakila?

my life depresses me. I don't know when & how i'll get over this...but it has too end.
Before it's too late...

Uninspired

today's not exactly one of my days. it hasn't been one of my best week so far too...since i turned 26 last sunday.
I feel useless, rotten, dejected...depressed. it feel's like i'm on my own in my own wretched world. my work is of no use. i need a certain amount of motivation to go on with my work...but maybe, just the thought of not having any work or money & be dependent on other people who will only treat you as dirtbag from day 1...now that should do it! That should get me back to my senses!
if only...
why am i always whining & fretting about my wretched life when the "taong-grasa" at the streets don't even give a damn about his! why can't i just be thankful for my life, for my job, for my family, for my hubby and everything! a hard life, it is! (maybe i should just see a shrink, no?)
i've read somehwere that "marriage should not be our sole source of meaning"
then what is? how long will it take for me to find out?
how long will i be blind?
maybe, i really need to see a shrink!

I'm turning 26 in two weeks & i'm trying to assess how far i've gone in this life.
First, i'm 10 months married.no kids yet. I have a day job for almost a year now. I still don't have a house, but me & my hubby are working on it.
oh my! that was it?! hmmm...what could i possibly miss?
yeah, it seems that was just it...so far.

my birthday last year was a disaster! i worked in this travel agency. i really love it there, no matter how tough it can get. i issued open tickets to 3 top honchos of Dole-Stanfilco. they were supposed to come home from manila on my birthdate only to discover i haven't finalized their bloody tickets! one of them called me up & really riled up on me. & i can't do anything because our office is close on saturdays! damned memory of mine! i really cried & panicked to death that i turned off my phone for fear that i'd get reprimanded by the whole Stanfilco staff!
after a while, i went to my mom house. had some pasta & ice cream. that was ok...until...
my hubby (we weren't married yet) & i were to meet at a mall. as usual, i was late & as impatient as he is, he can't seem to overlooked my getting there late! aaawww..c'mon it's my birthday!
It really fouled up our mood for the night even if we have our usual drinking buddies with us!

the next day, i had my hair cut really short! i actually wanted it to be really short, like an inch from my scalp, but the local hairdresser won't have any of it! she thinks i just need some chocolate to lighten me up! "what?!..do i look like a kid to you?! i just turned 25 for crying out loud!," hmph! don't bother!
then, when my hubby saw me, he was upset again! WHY? because of my damned hair!
WHAT IS IT ABOUT OUR HAIR & MEN?! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHY IT'S SUCH A BIG DEAL TO THEM?!

it was my last week at the travel agency since i already submitted my resignation & transfer to my new job at Maa. I asked permission from my boss to not show up at monday anymore, but she won't hear any of it. she wants me to exit "gracefully" so to speak! and not only that!
the last errand i did for her agency is to deliver PERSONALLY some plane tickets to Dole-Stanfilco! and not just to leave it at the guardhouse but to personally turn it over to Ms. Smugface, who happens to be the secretary of one of the people who missed their flight home because of me!!! what an impression i may have made! i just wondered that if ever i were to submit my resume at that place, will i ever get hired? hahahaha!

maybe my boss just knew better during that time. maybe she just doesn't want me to have ill feelings for the agency as i make my exit. maybe she just doesn't want me to hate the people i work with and to make peace with the people i've made unintentional major inconveniences...

What a way to ruffle my feathers!

My korean inspiration!

eversince i saw him in "Winter Sonata" in prime time tv, he's been an ispiration so far.not only does he symbolize everything beautiful but he also leads people to a new korea...they may not exaclty be at peace with their "other half nation" but there hardwork is paying off

they are so proud of their country. one proof of this is the sweeping cinematography of their countryside that are always present in their films.I admire the way they view their life...simple yet alive.

i know there's more to my country than meets the eye. she is beautiful than the whole korean peninsula combined. It is her people that destroys whatever she has.It is her people that stands devided & obscured from progress.It is her people that scrambles & fight for whatever little scraps that falls off the table.

my country has had it shares of trials & tribulations, i just hope & pray that after each disaster, a new hope & stength radiates from within to enable us to rise out of the ashes time & time again.

Dead nationalism!

I don't know what my country really wants!
it's needs/desires were so muddled up & confusing!
it's no wonder the international community been looking at us down for being so
divided!

I am just a mere mortal with an average life supported by a minimum wage income in a world of skyrocketing basic commodity prices!
how in the hell will i ever survive?!

i really love the idea of being in the sky above the malacanang palace with a super duper huge megaphone & scream at the top of my lungs "WHAT'S GOING ON????!!!!!!"
wishful thingking...

But thinking along JFK's famous line about what should i give my country & not the other way around?
i'd rather do it silently than call for a press conference to announce to the entire nation my latest "goodworks"

when will we ever learn?